"As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength." (Psalm 18:30-32)
I'll be honest. I've struggled with what to write about next. We are in the midst of a season where God is working mightily. He called us to some hard and exciting stuff. Samuel has been home for 6 weeks and the range of emotions and recent happenings are plentiful. I'll give a quick update on how everyone's doing but I really want to focus on how God is changing me, what He is doing through our lives and in my heart.
We are finding our new "normal" and beginning to adjust to what life with Samuel looks like. Throwing a 15 month old in to the mix has not been easy but our little guy and our entire family are making incredible strides. Sleep has been hit and miss, down time is rare, and the energy level in our home is through the roof. I spend most of my time just laughing at the chaos. I'm afraid I may cry if I stop laughing. Samuel has bonded with us beautifully. We are completely comfortable with having him around other people but it will be a little longer before we let anyone else hold, change, feed, or bathe him. For now, you'll have to take my word for it that those cheeks are the. most. kissable. We are waiting for some blood work to come back but are pretty sure he's completely healthy. We believe he's extremely bright and we know he's incredibly sensitive.
I still can't believe he's home. It's all a whirlwind, but sometimes I just stop and look in to those dark, soulful eyes. I wonder what I did to deserve him. Nothing, I remind myself. I am mystified over a God who would give us such a lofty gift, a God who would make this precious spirit a son... a son to us... a son to Him. Abundant grace. Sometimes there just aren't any words to describe this great privilege we have.
I am overwhelmed by God's goodness. I am amazed at what He has entrusted us with, and even more amazed that because of His strength (Phil. 4:13), we are completely capable. God is reminding me to be keenly aware of the fact that everything we do is because of Him, for Him, and impossible without Him. Yes, we have a lot going on. And it's oftentimes hard. But what a privilege to be shown, and reminded daily, that His power is made perfect in my weakness (2Cor.12:9). This life He's given us... it's rich because with every challenge that presents itself, I am drawn closer to the only One who can handle it.
As I grow in my salvation, it's becoming clear to me how some
of my friends have 9 and 10 children. I know... GASP! I'm not saying
that's God's plan for our life. These friends are people who rely solely
on the power of Christ in their homes. They don't have much money, they
don't have all the answers, but God has always come through for them. I
learn so much from these sisters.
People tell me, "I don't know how you do it." They say it to you too. They definitely say it to my friends with 9 and 10 kids. It can be about anything, really. For us, they're talking about the adoptions, losing children, having 5 children, homeschooling, working from home while rearing, all of it. Here's the thing. I don't do it. I really, really don't, y'all. My best friends can tell you that I've mastered the art of complaining. That's my flesh. If it were up to me, it would all fall apart. Every piece of it. BUT GOD. He is able, and His grace is sufficient. If we just believe that, if we could just wake up to the reality of His unrelenting love for us, if only we could remember His unwavering faithfulness. It's our own pride that stands between us and real joy. It's our own fear that prevents us from stepping out into the waves. God promises only good things when we step out for Him (not easy things but good things... very different).
I don't know what your "not me" looks like. I don't know if you're contemplating adoption, considering a new job, moving to Asia to become a missionary, or trying to decide what you'll cook for dinner tonight. I do know one thing. God is able. God is able and He never disappoints. He always provides and He will never forsake you. That doesn't mean He grants your every wish. What it does mean is that if your desire is OF HIM, in conformity to His will, He will grant. He will provide. (Psalm 37:4) This life is but a vapor. Step out, friends. Step out without fear. Whatever that looks like in
your life. Start with prayer. Listen for His will, spelled out clearly in scripture. The plan He's calling you to may seem impossible, but the One who is calling you to that impossible task is
the One who can and will faithfully provide in it.