Searing loss. Immense pain. A hurt in my body and heart, much like the one I had when we lost our first biological baby in 2004. There are few words to describe the physical and emotional pain that comes with knowing your child has died. We only knew Ru for a couple months and never had the privilege of holding her but that doesn't diminish the truth that she was ours. She was a fighter. We had this in common. She was fighting for her life and so were we. She fought so very hard.
So much pain and effort could have been avoided had we never gotten involved. We knew how very sick she was. We knew her prognosis wasn't good. We knew what all the doctors said. We knew this would be the biggest risk we'd ever taken in our lives. We could have avoided all these tears. It would've been so easy to have simply prayed for that sweet little face we saw on FB that evening our lives were changed forever. All that being said, with the piercing pain still pressing on my heart, we wouldn't change a single minute of it. We give thanks for the privilege of being called to fight for this precious life. And we can't wait to meet her in heaven one day. We know that's where she is, completely healed, completely whole, worshipping the one true God who has always been faithful in her life. Our God is sovereign and holy beyond comprehension. His will is perfect. That doesn't change when our daughter is taken from this life. He is still faithful. Not once has He let us down. We witnessed miracles. You witnessed them with us. And the miracle continued when Ru comfortably and peacefully went to be with The Lord.
The past couple days have been pretty hard. But we cling to good news. We know where Ru is and we know that her life brought nothing but glory to Christ. That is our purpose in this life. To bring Him glory. Nothing more. Nothing less. It's all we want for our children. Ru's life was one that glorified Christ and we are so honored to have been a part of her life for a short time. If trial and tribulation bring glory to God, we pray for more.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2Cor.4:16-18)
Eternal glory. We really have a great peace today. It's because we are keenly aware of those two words. Eternal glory. For Ru. For us. For all who carry their cross in this life. Our lives are but a vapor. There's no time to do anything but thank God for His work on the cross. Are we sad? Yes. Is this life hard? Yes. Does the joy in knowing the truth of God's love outweigh all of this? YES!
I don't think it's an accident that we are in this at the start of an amazing week. This week marks the searing and painful loss that Christ suffered on our behalf. Friday will be a day to reflect on Christ's crucifixion. I'm sure we will ponder Ru's death as well. But Jesus doesn't stay in that grave! From death comes His miraculous resurrection. Ru has passed away from this life. But she is alive because Christ defeated death on that precious tree. The gospel tells us that He not only defeated death but through his resurrection secured eternal life for all who believe! I find great comfort in knowing that truth is for Ru. This truth, this hope, this good news... it's for Ru and for us. We choose to hang on to that and praise God for all He's done... on the cross, in His resurrection, in our lives, and in Ru's beautiful life as well. She is whole again, healed and fully resurrected!
We don't know where we go from here. We will be in constant prayer, seeking God's will for the next chapter in our lives. For now, we just give thanks through our grief. We have so much to think about but need a little time to heal first.
Rest my darling. He's got you now. Never again will you feel the pain of abandonment or sickness. You are an orphan no longer. You are an adopted, treasured child of the risen King and I am so happy that you now sit peacefully in His lap. Never forgotten. Forever loved.
Praise to the King of Kings, maker of the heavens. You are my everything and I will adore you. I will sing to my God, my King, Healer, Lover and Redeemer of souls!